06/17/25 -- finally overcame my fear of coding a page second to my index "from scratch" (i still burrowed the same template. i don't know why the idea got me procrastinating but now it's done.) coding is a big word but i don't need much for this page, i like it blank. my head is not.
    so anyway. my head is banging currently, it's been aching a lot of times these past few days. i don't know what's wrong with my body... it's like it doesn't want to be fed. not only my appetite is gone, but the mere rice meal fucks my digestive system over. and there's tonight, where i ate 10 ounces of soup and almost 2 POUNDS of canned raviolis. i had to eat it all or it would have rotted in my fridge, but i'm starting to think it's the cause of my migraine... please, please come the time where i can eat what i want in peace.

    10/19/25 -- my dishes are intimidating. i don't want to see them, let alone wash them. that's the awful thing with my autism, whenever i see or touch or smell something remotely icky i just break down. how am i supposed to get anything done in my flat? but i'm not autistic "enough" to get any assistance, financial or human. it has to be over 50% or something. yeah maybe that gives a clue as to where i'm living even though i want the blog to stay anonymous but, thinking about it, there are a lot of countries hating on handicaps, and i'm still very lucky not to go through conversion therapy or shock therapy. how inhuman.
    anyway, these are just dishes honestly. why do i make such a big deal out of it? my brain is ragebaiting me. i'd rather keep writing even though i don't know what to write, only in order to procrastinate. no i won't.